Striking Amateur Screenwriters Accept Settlement in Starbucks Gift Cards

HOLLYWOOD—After a lengthy battle against Hollywood producers, the little known union of American Amateur Screenwriters have finally settle their labour dispute by accepting several $5 Starbucks Gift Cards.

The ASGA (Amateur Screenwrites Guild of America), who represent the thousands of non-professional screenwriters across the country who sit at their laptops in public and tell people they're working on a screenplay, had unbeknownst to the public been on strike for almost 3 weeks. 

 The labour movement arose when the union's leader, a screenwriter/musician/DJ/beard-grower, decided that it wasn't fair that they weren't getting paid the same wage as people who write movies for a living.

"It wasn't just about the money, it also had a lot to do with attention—actually it was pretty much only about the attention" explained the group's leader, Chad. "We're not in the business of really making movies, we just want people to think we do."

Over the course of three weeks, the union took action against Hollywood in various forms. 

Amateur screenwriters across the country campaigned mostly by complaining on the internet but also planned several picketing rallies which would have happened except that all of their bands we're  "totally playing a gig that night".

Although the union doesn't actually have an affiliation to any producers or film studios, a couple of Hollywood producers have gotten together and agreed to give out Starbucks gift cards to any of the writers who want them for the sole reason that they "just make real screenwriters seem so good".

In the end, being given a reason to be able to sit at a coffee shop all day with their Macbook and the attention they received from the strike was enough to satisfy the fake union of non-workers and they are reportedly all eager to get back to pretending to work on their screenplays.