Sudanese Prisoners Awaiting Execution Agree that "4:20 is the Best Time to Get Stoned"


SUDAN— According to a poll of Sudanese prisoners facing death by stoning, 4:20 is by far the most popular time of day to be pelted with rocks by angry, bloodthirsty mobs. 

The information comes from a survey in which the prisoners were asked which time they would prefer to undergo their stoning execution out of the following selection of times: 1:30, 2:00. 2:30. 3:00. 3:30, 4:00, 4:15 and 4:20.

The results were staggering, with 99% of the convicted adulterers, sodomites and a few actual criminals, all agreeing that 4:20 was indeed "the best time to get stoned", statistics which have raised the eyebrows of many Sudanese citizens.

"I don't understand why this particular time would be any better for getting stoned than any other time... it seems kind of arbitrary" remarked a bewildered man from the Sudanese capital who claimed to have never partaken in any form of execution,  "but I guess if they're the kind of people getting stoned, they can't be too right in the head anyway." 

Furthermore, in light of the newly understood popularity of the number '420' in Sudanese stoning victim culture, the government has decided to hold all their scheduled stonings for the entire year today, April 20th (4/20), instead of spread out throughout the year like normal.

While the Sudanese government is hoping that the event will go off smoothly with at least a dozen casualties, there is apparently some concern about the mass execution being disrupted by a group of radical protesters calling for the "delegalization of stoning" but according to Sudanese police they won't be a nuisance after they've gotten nicely stoned. 

No comments:

Post a Comment