Local Man Defies Science; Grows Beard of Bees

YOUR REGIONA 42 year old man in your local community has recently stumped the scientific community by growing a full beard made of bees.

Tom Johnson, a regular community school teacher, claims his bee beard only started to grow 6 months ago when he started using a new honey based aftershave.

 “I woke up one morning and my face had broken out in hives” Johnson explained to the media, “ and then a week later my face was covered in tiny insects”.

After a visit to his dermatologist, Johnson was sent to various specialists in the field who could not explain his condition.

“The bees seem to only grow on his face” said Professor Bill Burnham, an expert in hair growth, “we’ve checked extensively and there are no bees in any other normal hair growing areas.”

When asked how the problem could be solved, Burnham had no immediate solution.

 “I’m trying to develop a special razor for bee beards” explained Burnham, “but the process is moving very slowly so he’s just going to have to live with it for a while”.

Living with a beard of bees though has been not easy task for Johnson who has witnessed his personal and professional life destroyed.

“I can’t teach anymore because of kids allergies to bees, my wife won’t sleep in the same room as me because of the buzzing and everywhere I grow I’m treated like some sort of attention grabbing freak” Johnson lamented, saying his life has been turned upside down by his bees.

"I can't go to grocery markets, restaurants... anywhere that doesn't allow bees, which turns out to be a lot of places" Johnson announced on the verge of a breakdown "I never asked for any of this, I just want my old beard back."

A version of this article appeared in Simon Fraser University's Student Newspaper The Peak on 03/19/2012: http://www.the-peak.ca/2012/03/good-to-know-march-19th/

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