NEW YORK—After more than 40 years of being the world's most reliable women’s journalistic source on how to please their man,
Cosmopolitan Magazine will be printing their very last 52 sex tips in this
month’s issue.
Beginning in September, the popular magazine will no
longer be printing any sexual tips, secrets or synonyms of those words, due to
the fact that according to Editor-in-Chief Kate White, they have simply “run
out” of anything new.
“It’s really been difficult over the past couple years
not to repeat ourselves” White detailed in an online press release, “having
already published 10,00 unique sex tips there’s not really anything left to
say, in fact, half our last ten issues advice are actually just tips on how to improve
your ping pong serve.”
White further explained that part of the reason for the reason for the change was due to the gruelling journalistic pressures that came with collecting these tips.
"Having already copied everything in the Kama Sutra several times, we we're forced to really dig deep for new information" White continued " our writer's had to go straight to the source (on the internet) to find the latest intercourse innovations."
As a result, over half of Cosmo's writing room is on paid leave dealing with one form or another of post-traumatic stress disorder.
"Have you seen what kind of things you can find on a computer?" asked one distressed Cosmo writer, "It's horrible, there are things out there that you would never imagine, people you didn't think existed... ugh, I just want to start writing about nicer things, like politics or murders or something."
Although a great deal of Cosmo's readership is concerned about the changes coming to the magazine, White is certain that it's the right decision.
"We've already published so many sex tips in our magazine that people should definitely have enough information" White insisted, "If your relationship is still in trouble, there are probably bigger issues involved, ones that can't be solved even with our '75 Tricks to Make Your Night Naughtier'...maybe the problem lies in something deeper, like that one partner takes all their advice in adult relations from a magazine for teenagers."
Without relying on sex tips for the majority of their content, Cosmo is reportedly now going to start focusing on other women's issues that don't necessarily have to do with 'how to drive their guy wild', like new, even more accurate quizzes to determine your exact sassiness.
"Having already copied everything in the Kama Sutra several times, we we're forced to really dig deep for new information" White continued " our writer's had to go straight to the source (on the internet) to find the latest intercourse innovations."
As a result, over half of Cosmo's writing room is on paid leave dealing with one form or another of post-traumatic stress disorder.
"Have you seen what kind of things you can find on a computer?" asked one distressed Cosmo writer, "It's horrible, there are things out there that you would never imagine, people you didn't think existed... ugh, I just want to start writing about nicer things, like politics or murders or something."
Although a great deal of Cosmo's readership is concerned about the changes coming to the magazine, White is certain that it's the right decision.
"We've already published so many sex tips in our magazine that people should definitely have enough information" White insisted, "If your relationship is still in trouble, there are probably bigger issues involved, ones that can't be solved even with our '75 Tricks to Make Your Night Naughtier'...maybe the problem lies in something deeper, like that one partner takes all their advice in adult relations from a magazine for teenagers."
Without relying on sex tips for the majority of their content, Cosmo is reportedly now going to start focusing on other women's issues that don't necessarily have to do with 'how to drive their guy wild', like new, even more accurate quizzes to determine your exact sassiness.
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