LONDON—Sixteen year old Chinese swimming protégé, Ye Shiwen,
won two gold medals and broke an Olympic world record earlier this week after years of dedication and relentless training, but somehow she has still managed to perplex sports fans all over the globe with her success.
Despite having a perfect physique for the sport, the
support of one of the world’s richest countries and strongest Olympic contenders,
and a track record that includes a world’s fastest time when she was only 14 years
old, people across the world (the United States) are accusing her of cheating.
“She’s got to be on some sort of performance enhancing drugs, I just know it”
explained the father of one of the American Olympians who didn’t win the 400m
freestyle “I mean my daughter trained just as much as she did, she practices every
day, she tries really hard; how could she possibly have lost an event against the best swimmers in the world?”
Although no one has come out with any evidence for the
alleged drug use, there is an overwhelming gut-feeling that says she 'must be doping' by the majority of people in western society who don’t like things that they
don’t understand.
“I think the medal should be taken away regardless of the
outcome of her drug test” explained a coach for the US swim team, “our swimmers
we’re just better, plain and simple, sure [Shiwen] might be faster than them
but she swims with absolutely no heart.”
“She doesn’t have the character that our girls have” the
coach continued, "It's probably because she spends all her time swimming and doing
homework, I mean our team could do that too but we’re trying develop well-rounded
athletes to compete in this one very specific task.”
Despite these comments being mostly just hearsay and
conjecture with somewhat confused racist overtones, sports experts agree that
making a big deal out of the actions of a teenager in a sport they watch
briefly every four years is absolutely the most appropriate reaction.
“I don’t feel bad for these athletes just
because they get their feelings hurt by being accused of cheating on the
happiest day of their life” explained one such expert who’s been watching swimming
for almost 3 days now, “but I guess I just prefer hard-working, down to earth
athletes, like Michael Phelps, I'm sure he would never do drugs under any circumstances.”
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