Brave NHL Heroes Return from Europe after Conquering Enemy Leagues Overseas

NEW YORK—More than three months after they first started to depart, NHL players risking their lives in Europe are finally being brought home to North America after ensuring that the NHL will remain the world's most powerful hockey league. 

The overseas mission, which was enacted in September of last year, was first planned in the off season when NHL executives grew concerned about the growing presence of Russia’s KHL as a superpower hockey league. An executive decision was made at that time to stage a fake lockout in order to allow NHL players to travel to Europe and reclaim the sport.

“There was a lot of fear that the KHL would invade North America if we didn’t take action” explained an NHL representative, “the KHL had already started to conquer other European nations, they had gained control of a team in Ukraine this year and with their plans to push into Central Europe next, we knew that we needed to act quickly.”

When the NHL received information of a planned 2013 insurrection of KHL teams' Dynamo Moscow and SKA St. Petersburg on Brooklyn, they set their plan in motion and as NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman and NHLPA boss Donald Fehr held “secret meetings”, NHL players were deployed across Europe.

 “It was a hard decision to make but we really didn’t have much of a choice” Gary Bettman told reporters shortly after revealing the truth behind the lockout, “we’re extremely proud of the fight our players put up over there and I think that we proved that there isn't really a league over there that threatens us in any way.”

 Although players were sceptical about the mission at first, the sacrifices made by players such as Evegeni Malkin in Russia, Joe Thornton in Switzerland, and Matt Duchene in Sweden, eventually helped demonstrate truly how inferior European players are to NHL stars.

“I initially thought it would be a short, fun time and we’d all be home for Christmas” said Thornton on playing for HC Davos of the Swiss A-League, “but it was actually pretty competitive, they definitely have some guys over there that could crack an AHL roster.”

After millionaire NHLers battled it out with former 9th round picks for several months, the mission was finally declared a victory on Sunday January 6th, 2012 following a recent noted massacre by the Canadian team at the Spengler Cup along with reports that almost every European League’s top scorers charts were being dominated by NHLers with even mediocre NHL players such as Alexander Ovechkin ranking among the top KHL scorers.   

Roughly 100 players gave their service to the NHL’s European Campaign and despite huge risks were able to avoid any casualties although there were reportedly quite a number of minor groin related wounds suffered.

As of Sunday night, all NHL players are now on their way home where they will all expected to be greeted by multitudes of adoring fans celebrating their safe return because as one fan put it “it doesn't matter if you were against the lockout when it started, you have to support these kids for going out there and making the ultimate sacrifice for our league... they played them over there so we don’t have to watch them play over here, god bless em' for that.”  

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