Local Single Woman Held Hostage by Group of Cats

YOUR REGION—A local mid-forties woman who has been in-between jobs and out of a relationship for over 15 months has reportedly been kidnapped by a group of feral cats.

According to neighbours, Melissa O’Reilly, an unemployed librarian, has only left her apartment a handful of times in the past months and has been spotted in the company of some pretty shady looking felines.

“I used to see her go out at night, to clubs or out for drinks, but nowadays she spends her whole day feeding cats and never leaves her apartment” said one concerned neighbour “she doesn’t wear make-up anymore or even comb her hair, these cats are relentless”.

Police reports have indicated that these kitties have tortured Ms. O’Reilly in many cruel and bizarre ways. Not only is she not been allowed to go on any dates or keep up with basic hygiene but she’s been forced to DVR and watch every episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta.  

Up to twelve cats have already been implicated in the hostage situation but according to investigators that number is consistently growing.

 “We believe at the beginning it was only one cat who she may actually have had a peaceful relationship with, kind of like a pet-owner situation” said Sgt. Dan Murphy, a hostage negotiator “but since then things have spiraled out of control with a new cat coming in the mix every few days”.   

Unfortunately for Ms. O’Reilly, the police have no idea what the demands or motives behind this capture are and in phone calls have only heard a few muffled ‘meows’. At one point a ransom letter was believed to been discovered, but it was later revealed to be just a newspaper.

Although it is believe that the kidnapping is an isolated incident, Sgt. Murphy has sent out a warning for others in the area to stay on guard.

“I think everyone in the community, especially women, needs to stay vigilant” said Murphy “cats have a history of preying on older, lonely women and now that the media has picked up this story there’s a definite chance of copy-cats”.

Residents have been asked to limit their can opener use to only peak hours and ensure that they refrain from leaving any bowls of milk overnight.

As for Ms. O’Reilly, with each passing day, it is believed that she is showing more and more signs of Stockholm syndrome. In her brief phone calls with police she has shown empathy and even positive feelings towards her captors going as far as calling them ‘her babies’.

Although many are skeptical that the situation is beyond reach, the police remain unfazed and are confident that they can apprehend their adorable kidnappers and have the starring in hilarious YouTube videos in no time.   

A version of this article appeared in Simon Fraser University's Student Newspaper The Peak on 05/06/2012: http://www.the-peak.ca/2012/05/single-woman-held-hostage-by-group-of-cats/

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